Happy

Recently I’ve felt the urge to return to my roots with a good ol’ bit of electric blues – so I’ve recorded this little ditty about materiality and happiness.

I think it rocks along quite nicely. Hope you enjoy it!

He’s got a great big house and a fancy car
It seems me that he’s going far
But he ain’t happy
No no he ain’t happy
He’s got an Eye-talian suit and a whole lotta loot
But he ain’t happy

He’s got a highly paid job, and a whole lotta dosh
Got a house in France and a great big yacht
But he ain’t happy?
Oh No, he ain’t happy
It’s great to have wealth but it can’t buy you health
He ain’t happy

He’s got a model wife – likes to spend his money
You know I think that’s – kinda funny
That he ain’t happy
No no he ain’t happy
Busy busy busy – got no time to himself
He ain’t happy

Eats expensive food, drinks expensive wine
You might think that he’s doing fine
But he ain’t happy
Oh No, he ain’t happy
Would you wanna be him? Well I’m glad I’m not
‘cos he ain’t happy

Would you want what he’s got?
I’d rather have my lot
And be happy.

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Filed under Blues

New Single

Given all the stuff that’s going on around the elections and Brexit, I thought it was an appropriate time to release this song as a single, so I’ve uploaded it this morning.

It should be available on all good music sites (Sptoify, Amazon, Deezer, iTunes, Googleplay and several others) over the next few days.

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Cheap Wine

Ever been to a party and taken the cheapest bottle of wine you could find hoping to palm it off onto somebody else while you drink the decent stuff – only to find that everybody else brought cheap crap as well? Let’s be honest here. We’ve all done it!

Well serves you right when you wake up the next day with a dose of the trots and the hangover from hell. This song is for you.


Went to a party the other night
Took a few drinks to make me feel alright
Oh man! Did I get it wrong?
That’s why I wrote this song

Cheap wine
Going to your head
Cheap wine
Wishing you were dead
Cheap wine
Stay away
Got no time
For cheap wine

If you wanna feel mellow, you wanna feel fine
If you wanna loosen up and have a real good time
Sink another whisky or sink another beer
But take some advice and give me your ear

It gets real bad
When you’re drinking cheap wine
When your head starts throbbin’
It’s a real bad sign
Take my advice
Try something else instead
Life’s too short for cheap wine

When you wanna take it easy and you wanna kick back
Drinking cheap wine is like a nuclear attack
It goes to your stomach and it goes to your head
And the hangover’s gonna make you wish you were dead

Got no time, got no time, got no time
For cheap wine

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Filed under Blues, Rock

Snowflake

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It’s the bleat of the decade : “Woe is me! I’m really, really upset that people can’t see things my way!” and you hear it all the time, so I thought why not write a song to celebrate the outstanding qualities of the entitlement generation? Not, of course, that they actually seem to have any – but I’d never say that because I wouldn’t want to upset them!

So here it is : “Snowflake”, a song for the millennials. I don’t expect they’ll want to buy it, but never mind.


I like things the way that I like them
I like folk to do what I say
It really upsets me
When people neglect me
Or don’t let me have my own way
The people who think the way I do
Are always invariably right
I’m having my say
So move out of the way
While I throw my toys out the pram

‘cos I’m just a snowflake
I’m thin on the ground
I’m just a snowflake
I don’t hang around
I melt in the sun
It isn’t much fun
I’m there for a minute then gone

I don’t care if I am outnumbered
I don’t care if you disagree
It’s my human right
To put up a fight
‘Cos you’re not important like me
I’m out on the street with my banner
I’m chanting along with the rest
I know what I want
And I want it right now
I don’t care if you think I’m a pest

I can’t see why you have a problem
For me it’s quite easy to see
I’m easily offended
When I feel up ended
‘Cos you’re not agreeing with me
I’m really a sensitive person
I’m really a delicate thing
I damage quite easy
And I feel very queasy
When things are not going my way

Yes, I’m just a snowflake
A delicate thing
I’m just a snowflake
My skin’s really thin
I know I’m a pain
But one drop of rain
Is all that it takes and I’m gone

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Filed under Blues, Humour, Pop

Must be doing something right!

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Seems that my music is going down quite well. On Spotify, the title track off my ‘Greybeard’ album has been played over 11,000 times which I think is pretty cool. Somebody out there must like my stuff.

However, on the less happy front it seems my music is liked even more on the other side of what used to be the iron curtain. I came across a torrent site this morning where my ‘Greybeard’ and ‘New Tricks’ albums have been downloaded 612 and 825 times respectively and there’s no shortage of seeds either, predominantly in Russia and Bulgaria. So that’s 1,437 times about £6 in royalties I won’t be getting – or around £8,500! Rats!!!

Success is a lovely thing and even though I didn’t start off doing this for the money, it would be nice to earn some from it in these times when every penny counts, epecially for an old git like me.

Never mind. C’est la vie!

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This is what we find

I was at a wine society meeting a few weeks back when a friend reminded me of an old track by Ian Dury and the Blockheads with an interesting lyric as Ian’s stuff often was.

This isn’t a cover version of that track, but the title was nicked from Ian and the style might be considered somewhat of a homage? Anyhow, it’s my first new track of 2017 so I hope you enjoy it.

As an aside, I used to use Dropbox to host my music files, but they’re changing their system and the HTML used on this site to play stuff no longer works with their new file names. Thanks guys. As a result, I’ve had to rewrite the entire site. Thanks again guys.

The new player takes a little longer to load than the old one. Sorry about that but at least it works.


I knew a man whose given name was Roger
Who like to treat the girlies with his todger
He thought it would be fine
If he tried it on with mine
‘til I caught ‘em in a threesome with his lodger
I thought ‘What shall I do?’
But I had some four by two
So I introduced it to his head one night
This is what we find

You should never trust a wide boy with your money
He’ll sure as hell be up to something funny
And if you sit him down
And ask him what he’s doing
He’ll simply give you loads and loads of bunny
He’ll think it’s really funny
That he’s spending all your money
Whatever happens he will be just fine
This is what we find

You should never try to teach a pig to fly
You should never try to teach that pig to sing
Now matter how you try
That pig will never fly
And I’m about to tell you one more simple thing
You can’t trust a politician
Even though you’re wishing
It’s your interests that he’s got close to his heart
That pig will not grow wings
And it’s never going to sing
This is what we find
It’s annoys the pig and takes up all your time
This is what we find
But you can open up your mind
To all sorts of crazy things
This is what we find
Remember this, my friend
Now we’re coming to the end
This is what we find

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Filed under Pop, Punk

Merry Bloody Christmas

It’s a sad fact that I’ve always found Christmas music rather irritating so every year I get together with my good friend Dioclese and we trash a well known piece of Christmas music. This year is no exception.

Each year is a new challenge. Last year we murdered Band Aid. Dire Straits and Cliff Richard have passed through the cross hairs for a good slaughtering. Nothing is sacred.

So this year it’s Noddy Holder’s tonsils and good ol’ Slade that get our own special treatment. To be fair to Noddy even he once said that he didn’t like the song but it did get him a lot of royalties. Good luck to him – and he can have half of the money I get for this version if he’s feeling hard up. It’s available as a single on all good digital outlets so feel free to buy it and play it at your party ‘cos I need the money!

Enjoy the mayhem and try not to take it too seriously. Here’s the lyrics :

Christmas time is coming round again
Peace on earth and good will to all men
There’s loads of Christmas musak
And the shops are full of tat
By Halloween we’d had enough of that

So here it is bloody Christmas
It gets longer every year
It’s just turned September and
It’s only just begun

Are you dreading Christmas morning with your mum
And you single parent sister’s chavy son
Are you reaching for the twiglets
Do you swill them down with beer
Is the day you’ve always hated finally here

So here it is bloody Christmas
It isn’t any fun
Don’t get your hopes up
It’s only just begun

And the thing that makes your day complete
Is routing in the quality street
Looking for the toffee sweet
The one they’ve taken out this year
Aggghhh!

Did the children get you up at four o’clock
Did they like the Christmas presents that they got
Did your son ask where’s my Xbox
And your daughter where’s my bike
We were good all year and all we got was shite

So here it is bloody Christmas
Let’s pretend we’re having fun
Wishing it was over when
It’s only just begun

So here it is bloody Christmas
It gets right on your tits
Better make the most of it
It’s only just begun

So here it is bloody Christmas
You’re wishing it was done
No bloody chance mate!
It’s only just begun

So here it is bloody Christmas
A fate that’s worse than death
It’s even worse than last year and
It’s only just begun

And here’s a few verses that didn’t make the cut :

Are your kiddies being a right pain in the arse
Are you thinking that the whole damn thing’s a farce
Are you munching on the chocolates
While your wife does all the work
Can you find excuses not to go to church

Did you stuff your face with Turkey till you popped
Are you praying that the whole damn thing will stop
There’s rubbish on the telly
And the kids are being a pain
Next year we can do it all again

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Filed under Humour, Pop