Under the Covers

This is the last song off ‘Unplugged’ and the only original recording on the album. It’s about sex.

There – that got your attention didn’t it?

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Here’s the lyrics :

Screwing with the lights on can be quite fun
But when they’re off you can pretend you’re anyone
We turned them off and we chose a different lover
But then my willy got tangled in the covers
Sometimes it seemed that things moved too fast
Then a bedspring broke and it pranged me in the arse
We rolled too far and we fell out of bed
I landed on top of her and broke her leg

Up and down
Round and round
Right side up
Or upside down
In and out
Shake it about
Her on top
Or underneath

Hide the sausage is the name of the game
But conventional sex can be really tame
We tried it on the staircase, we tried it in the car
But underneath the covers is more comfy by far
We tried lots of sex aids we bought on the net
There’s some we haven’t used or even figured out yet
They say that necessity’s the mother of invention
But faffing with this stuff was never our intention

Rumpy pumpy
Feeling grumpy
Getting some
Or maybe not
Standing up
Sitting down
Get stuck in and
Let’s go to town

We used to do it once a night but now we’re lucky if it’s once a week
It’s no problem, it’s alright. My sexual proclivity is past its peak
It’s not that I’m tired of my choice of lover
Just that we’d rather sleep underneath the covers

Tried of sex
Whatever’s next?
Much too tired
Feeling vexed
Slap and tickle
Bump and grind
Is overrated
You will find

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Filed under Accoustic, Humour

Saturday Night (unplugged)

Well, it is Saturday night so I thought “Why not post Saturday Night”?

I love Saturdays. I especially like all the prefuelled tarts who roll past my door at about 10pm off to the clubs and pubs to get smashed out of their brains before rolling back home and waking me up at 4 in the morning! Yelling, shouting, puking in the street.

Yeah – we love Saturday night round here!

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Here’s the original :

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Junk Mail (unplugged)

Off last year’s “One for the Road” album, this is a song about all that lovely stuff we like shoved through our letterboxes. I write ‘Not known” across it and send it back. I figure if they get enough of their own crap it might sink in that we don’t want it.

I wont hold my breath, but at least this song plays it out of my system!

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Here’s the original :

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The TV’s Broken (live and unplugged)

The sort of title track off the “Who Needs TV?” album is another live and undoctored recording – me, the guitar and the mike doing it just as it comes, warts and all.

I had a bit of a surreal experience with this one. I was in Cape Town and popped into one of my favourite restaurants on the V&A waterfront for lunch. My better half says to me “This sounds a bit like one of your songs” so I cocked an ear to it and guess what? She was right!

So, pretty much unknown in my own town, but being played half way across the world. Ain’t the internet wonderful?

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Here’s the original :

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Fear of Flying (unplugged)

This unplugged reworking is of a track from my 2013 album ‘Old Friends’ and I thought it might be appropriate for the holiday season – although I have to admit perhaps I should have called it ‘Fear of the Channel Tunnel’ given that you take your life in your hands going through Calais these days.

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Here’s the original :

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Crap on the TV (unplugged)

Track 9 off the ‘Unplugged’ album prompted by a post my friend Dioclese did earlier today about the woeful state of British telly these days. Having said that, I recorded the original on the ‘Buspass Anarchist’ album back in 2012 so it sort of proves that these things sure as hell aren’t getting any better, doesn’t it?

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Here’s the original :

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Small Town Man (unplugged)

Now here’s one that goes back a bit. I originally released it back in 2011 and it’s a comic song about where I live. Actually, every word is true so it’s really not that comic.

There’s a bit of a story behind it. My mate Dioclese does my videos for me and he had a mate that was being driven mad by his fellow townspeople, so they started up a blog together called Smalltown Man. To cut a long story short, the guy got a lot of stick and quit but Dioclese incorporated the blog into own his to keep the theme going.

It was already an accoustic number so I’m not sure why I redid it really. My other half reckons the original is superior. Either way, I still think it’s one of my better songs.

Right click here to download this track

Here’s a link to the original if you want to compare the two.

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Filed under Accoustic, Humour