Remember those good old days before the ol’ ball and chain? Great weren’t they? Out every night drinking, clubbing, havin’ a larf with yer mates?

Then they all got married, had kids, settled down, left you on your own. Then they got divorced and you could do it all again. Ain;t life great?

I never thought twice about the way that I dressed
Til a woman looked me up and down and said I looked a mess
My hair was all wrong, too short or too long
And the women that I liked never seemed to last long
I thought it would be great
Drinking beer with my mates
Rolling in pissed and sleeping in late
But life is never simple and it’s not like that
Being single ain’t that great

I like 60s music but they say I’m outta touch
And the women that I meet don’t really seem to like it much
I drive an old Volvo – it’s a really good car
But the girls don’t seem to like it so I never get far
So I bought a new motor to bring me up to date
But it didn’t really help me in my search for a mate
I styled my hair and bought some new clothes
And it cost me a packet for a reshaped nose

I bought myself the latest phone
It came complete with a great ring tone
I’m on social media so I’m never alone
And I’m out and about even when I’m at home

There’s wedges in my shoes to try and make me look taller
But you just can’t win ‘cos the women feel smaller
I drink sexy cocktails ‘cos it makes me look smart
But it sorta backfired when it made me fart
I tried sophistication by taking up vaping
And I tried being cool with the moves that I was making
So the me that was me wasn’t me any more
And I look really stupid when I’m on the dance floor

I thought it would be fun when I’m living on my own
The women would be queuing up and wanna take me home
Instead I’m watching TV ‘till it’s really really late
Let’s face it, being single ain’t that great


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Black Jack

Say no more!

Old Jack Daniels is a good friend of mine
He makes me feel happy and he makes me feel fine
I forget all my troubles and I lose track of time
It’s much more effective than beer or wine

Gimme a beer, gimme a scotch
Hit me with tequila or hit me with gin
Another large vodka and then I’ll be done
Same thing tomorrow – ain’t we having some fun?

The doc says my liver’s a little enlarged
He tells me I’ll die if I keep drinking hard
He tells me stop smoking and give up the booze
But when you get to my age you’ve got nothing to lose

I drink in the morning and I ‘m drinking at night
I drink any time that I bloody well like
I’m not really fussy what I pour down my neck
And when I stop drinking it makes me feel sick

So don’t waste your money – take a tip from me
Go straight for the hard stuff and then you will see
Pour me a measure and make sure it’s big
And don’t you dare tell me I’m a drunken old pig

And when I lay dying drunk on the floor
That’s usually the time I don’t drink any more
I wake in the morning head ringing in pain
Then I reach for the bottle and I do it again

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Little Miss Prissy Prissy

If you listened to “You Know What You Can Do” recently then you might well be able to work out that this track off ‘Shooting for Pork’ is inspired by pretty much the same train of thought.

When you live where I do, you’ll find a lot of people who are whiter than white and holier than thou. I have no problem with people’s personal beliefs until they start ramming them down my throat. At that point I just need to play it out of my system.

You toddle off to church like a good girl every Sunday
Then you run off at the mouth when you see me on Monday
You like to dish it out but you sure can’t take it
Are you jealous ‘cos you never really made it

Little miss prissy prissy goody goody two shoes
Why do you think that there’s no-else as good as you?
Little miss prissy prissy —- goody goody

You say you’ve never ever been spoken to like that
I really can’t believe it when you’re acting like that
You fake shock and horror when I answer you back
But why did you think that I should tolerate that?

Little miss prissy prissy goody goody two shoes
What you gonna do when they don’t wanna know you?
Little miss prissy prissy —- goody goody

What makes you think that you can get away with it?
You talk about equality but really don’t mean it
You’ve led a pure life that’s as white as snow
But you’re huffing and puffing and you’re having a go

Little miss prissy prissy goody goody two shoes
What you gonna do when they all turn their back on you?
Little miss prissy prissy goody goody two shoes
Why do you think that there’s no-else as good as you?
Little miss prissy prissy goody goody two shoes
What you gonna do when they don’t wanna know you?
Little miss prissy prissy goody goody two shoes

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Dog End Day

This was to have been the title track of the new album before I changed the title.

The lyrics come from my old collaborator Tony Groves. I combined bits of two of his writing and added a few bits of my own to make it flow. The result is this happy little ditty. To be fair, Tony and I don’t really do happy, but what the hell!

Powdered milk and dog-end day,
I got no money and I got no pay.
I got no family and I got no wife,
But I got trouble and I got strife.

Smash the buffers or go off the rails
It’s all the same when life’s brake fails
Hit a mountain, crash in the sea
Makes no difference far as I can see

Heart thumps hard, stomach knots,
I count the blessings that I ain’t got.
I live in hope and struggle on through,
It’s what they tell me that I must do.

No more booze is what you’re thinking
All the while you go on drinking
I’ll quit tomorrow is what I say
But tomorrow is another day…

Knock it back to drown that pain,
Knowing it’ll soon come back again
Heart plays rhythm with lots of bass
Misery carved on a careworn face

Skies of lead, grey with gloom
Spinning eyes and spinning room
Reality is where I dwell
Deep within this living hell

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Filed under Blues, Lyrics by Tony Groves, Pop, Rock

You Know What You Can Do

A while back, I got a bit of stick from a member of, shall we say, the more elderly section of society who told me in no uncertain terms exactly what she thought of my appalling music.

Well, I consider that there’s not really good or bad music – rap excepted of course because I don’t consider it music – there’s just music that you like and music that you don’t like. I don’t like Benjamin Britten and that’s a risky thing to say when you live in East Anglia. However, I don’t think his stuff is rubbish, it’s just that I’ve tried listening to his operas and his classical pieces and I really just don’t like them.

So, this is my reaction to people who consider my music to be crap. You’re entitled to your opinion, but……

You say don’t like the way I dress
You say you think that I look a mess
You say my hair’s too long
That I’m too far gone
Well I’ll tell you that I am who I am
And I ain’t change for you
You know what you can do
The fault’s not me it’s you
If you don’t the way I am
Then you know what you can do

You say my music’s much too loud
Well I tell you man, it makes me proud
So you don’t like what I do
Well I didn’t write it for you
Well you could switch it off
That too simple for you?
You know what you can do
And who to do it to
If you don’t like the things I do
You know what you can do

You can’t be a good guy in a rock and roll band
Well why the hell not?
Why should the devil have all the good music
Why can’t nice guys rock?
You all think that you’re better than me
Well – I got some news – you’re not!

I’m a rock and roll man
I guess you ain’t a fan?
You listened to my music and you think that it’s pretty crap
Well – I don’t have to take that
Why don’t you run along
And listen to a different song?
You know what you can do
Just what is wrong with you
Take your attitude
And you know what you can do

You all think that you’re better than me
Well – I got some news – you’re not!

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Hard Man

A song dedicated to the bloke who threatened to punch my lights out when, after suggesting that I should get off my arse and do some work, got all indignant when I told him to fuck off! I do hope he’s reading this.

You know who you are.

Hard man
Gonna punch my lights out
Hard man
Put me in my place
Hard man
Gonna work me over
Hard man

I’m shaking in my boots
I’m pissing my pants
I’m really really frightened
Should I turn tail?
Or maybe I should tell you
That your threats are gonna fail

Hard man
You talk a good fight
Hard man
What’re you like?
Hard man
Shooting off your mouth
Hard man

I’m really really frightened
You’re such a scary guy
So why am I not running
Ever wondered why?
It’s cos you’re full of bullshit
You talk a good fight

Hard man
You need to calm down
Hard man
Acting like a clown
Hard man
Such a scary bloke
Hard man
You really are a joke
Hard man
Get out of my face
Hard man
Learn to know your place
What you say?
Not such a hard man

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Filed under Pop, Rock

New album released

Click to follow this album on Spotify

I’m pleased to announce that my 18th album “Shooting for Pork” has just been uploaded this morning and will be available on all good digital music sites within the next couple of days – processing permitting, of course. Each store works in it’s own unique and mysterious way!

I’ll release some tracks on this site over the coming weeks whilst work continues on the next album where I have two tracks already in the can.

In the meantime, give it a listen on Spotify – I like their royalty payments and it’s free to the listener. After all, we all have to eat! Actually, thinking about it there might be a song in that…….?

Hope you enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed making it!

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Filed under Blues, Pop, Rock