The 2021 Christmas Song

It’s that time of year when Christmas looms and it’s time to release my Christmas Song, video as usual courtesy of my good friend Dioclese. I’m releasing it on the major streaming site earlier than usual. After all, every other bugger is cashing in so why shouldn’t I ?

Last year I got 38,000 plays on Spotify alone so I’d be chuffed if I beat the record this year. Meantime spare a thought for the poor bloody turkey as you’re singing along !

D’ya wanna be a Christmas turkey?
You wanna be like me?
Gas me up and cut my throat
Cut my feet off, pluck my coat
Stick my innards up my arse
Serve me with Cranberry sauce
Who’d wanna be a turkey like me?

D’ya wanna be Christmas tree?
You wanna be like me?
Chop me down and truss me up
Stand me in the corner all dressed up
Watch me die and chop me up
Never get to see the snow
Who’d wanna be a tree like me?

Christmas comes but once a year
That’s one too many for me
It’s turned into a retail fest
Not what it used to be

D’ya wanna be Christmas Santa?
You wanna be like me?
Vetted by the local plod
To see if I’m some peado sod
Sat around in a big red coat
Smelly kiddies on my knee
Who’d wanna be a Santa like me?

Christmas ain’t no fun more
It’s lovely when it’s over
Don’t know what we do it for
The meanings lost on me

Don’t wanna be a Christmas turkey
Served up as a tasty treat
Don’t wanna be a Christmas tree
With prezzies at my feet
Don’t wanna be a Santa
Working for the minimum wage
Guess Christmas ain’t for me

Who’d wanna be a turkey like me?

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