Category Archives: Punk

This is what we find

I was at a wine society meeting a few weeks back when a friend reminded me of an old track by Ian Dury and the Blockheads with an interesting lyric as Ian’s stuff often was.

This isn’t a cover version of that track, but the title was nicked from Ian and the style might be considered somewhat of a homage? Anyhow, it’s my first new track of 2017 so I hope you enjoy it.

As an aside, I used to use Dropbox to host my music files, but they’re changing their system and the HTML used on this site to play stuff no longer works with their new file names. Thanks guys. As a result, I’ve had to rewrite the entire site. Thanks again guys.

The new player takes a little longer to load than the old one. Sorry about that but at least it works.

I knew a man whose given name was Roger
Who like to treat the girlies with his todger
He thought it would be fine
If he tried it on with mine
‘til I caught ‘em in a threesome with his lodger
I thought ‘What shall I do?’
But I had some four by two
So I introduced it to his head one night
This is what we find

You should never trust a wide boy with your money
He’ll sure as hell be up to something funny
And if you sit him down
And ask him what he’s doing
He’ll simply give you loads and loads of bunny
He’ll think it’s really funny
That he’s spending all your money
Whatever happens he will be just fine
This is what we find

You should never try to teach a pig to fly
You should never try to teach that pig to sing
Now matter how you try
That pig will never fly
And I’m about to tell you one more simple thing
You can’t trust a politician
Even though you’re wishing
It’s your interests that he’s got close to his heart
That pig will not grow wings
And it’s never going to sing
This is what we find
It’s annoys the pig and takes up all your time
This is what we find
But you can open up your mind
To all sorts of crazy things
This is what we find
Remember this, my friend
Now we’re coming to the end
This is what we find


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Filed under Pop, Punk

Counting C**ts in Cromer

An unusual title inspired by a certain pain in the neck (you know who you are) and my little homage to Ian Dury and his classic ditty “Billericay Dickie” off the “New Boots and Panties” album which has always been a favourite of mine.

The Blockheads are still going and putting out the occasional classic but somehow they’ve never quite been the same without Ian. I’d think he would have had a chuckle at this little number!

I’ve encountered cunts in Cromer
And dicks in Billericay
There’s lots of twats in Twickers
And fools in Faversham
I’ve come across dicks in Didsbury
And arses in Bordeaux
I’m truly international
I don’t mind where I go
There’s stupid people everywhere
From Kent to St Nazaire
There’s silly cows in Moscow
They’re everywhere you know!

There’s people who will take the piss
No matter where they dwell
And they think I’ll just take it
But I can dish it out as well
I find there are opinions
That get right up my nose
And those who will pontificate
And like to preen and pose
I’ve got no time for anyone
Who carries on that way
It’s just a waste of effort
To listen to what they say

And as I travel round the world
It’s amazing what I find
There’s wankers everywhere you look
You’d think they’d all go blind
I’ve met them on the ocean
I’ve met them on the land
I’ve seen them in the desert
Cavourting in the sand
You simply can’t escape them
It’s such a sorry tale
If you think you can avoid them
Then I think you’ll find you fail

It’s the same the whole world over
No matter near or far
There’s fools that go by bicycle
There’s twats that go by car
There’s arseholes riding aeroplanes
There’s some that go by bus
But no matter how they got there
They like to make a fuss
They like to tell me what to think
And tell me what to do
But I’m not really listening
It’s such a bally hoo!

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Filed under Accoustic, Blues, Punk

Andrew Lloyd Webber

Continuing in the punk vein after ‘Happy Birthday’ here’s jolly little ditty explaining why I really, really wouldn’t want to be anyone else – especially Andrew Lloyd Webber!

Not sure which part of my brain this was spawned in, but there you go! Crank up the volume and enjoy.

I wouldn’t wanna be
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Wouldn’t mind the money
But I wouldn’t wanna be him
I quite like
Writing my own songs
They might not be ‘Evita’
But at least they’re quite fun

I wouldn’t wanna be
Simon Cowell
Wouldn’t mind the money
But I wouldn’t wanna be him
I’d might like
Being famous
But not wearing
Trousers like his

I wouldn’t wanna be
Jeremy Clarkson
Wouldn’t mind the money
But I wouldn’t wanna be him
I quite like
My beat up old jalopy
I wouldn’t wanna drive
Shit like him

I wouldn’t wanna be
David Beckham
Wouldn’t mind the money
But I wouldn’t wanna be him
I don’t wanna
Bend it like Beckham
Football’s boring
Can’t stand his wife

I wouldn’t wanna be
Anyone but me
Might not have the money
But I’m happy what I got
I’m really glad
I’m not Andrew Lloyd Webber
And no-body knows
Who the hell I am!

I quite like writing
My own stuff
It might not be ‘Phantom’
But at least it’s not long

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Filed under Punk

Happy Birthday

If you thought the last post was something different, then you ain’t seen nothing yet.

I am indebted to my good friend the Flaxen Saxon for the lyrics for this piece of lunacy and mayhem. I’ve no idea what part of his head these ‘lyrics’ came from. I shamelessly nicked them of his blog, changed them around a bit and then wrote some music around them.

Any queries should be addressed to him. I’ve not got a clue what it’s about but if people like Stevie Winder and McCartney can write birthday songs, then I reckon it’s my duty to do the same.

Who knows? Could become a standard!

May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake.
Your servants steal, your wife’s untrue
Your children plot to murder you
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near

It’s your Birthday! Happy Birthday!
Doom and gloom and dark despair
People dying everywhere!
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

Now you’ve aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
Now that you’re the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add romance to life tonight

It’s your Birthday! Happy Birthday!
Just be glad the friends you’ve got
Haven’t found out you-know-what
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

Indigestion’s what you get
From the enemies you ‘et
Baked or broiled or in a stew
We love children, yes we do
While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,
We brought linen, white as cloud
The women sit and sew your shroud

It’s your Birthday! Happy Birthday!
May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks
On your Birthday! Happy Birthday!

This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
I’m a leper, can’t you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
It’s your birthday never fear
You’ll be dead this time next year
So far Death you have bypassed
But don’t look back, he’s gaining fast

It’s your Birthday! Happy Birthday!
When you’ve reached this age you know
Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!
That the mind is first to go
It’s your Birthday ! Happy Birthday!
You are very, very old
Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!
Soon you will be dead and cold
It’s your Birthday Happy Birthday!

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Filed under Humour, Pop, Punk

Liar Liar

My last post was a country rock type song called Honesty, so just to move things around a bit this is a bit more punk rocky and deals with the other side of the coin.

Or does it?

When I re-read the lyrics I realised that it was really saying pretty much the same thing. It’s song about ambition and telling people what they want to hear so you get your own way. There’s a sting in the tail – because I just might be an even big liar than you are.

If you want me to believe you
Why you telling me that
Why are you feeding me
All that crap
Nothing that you tell me is sounding true
So tell me why I should listen to you

Liar liar pants on fire
You keep feeding me bull
Liar liar you’re just a liar
I can’t believe what you do

It seems to me
that you say one thing
Then you do another
when my back is turned
I never know if what you say is true
One rule for me and another for you

Liar liar you’re such a liar
Your aspirations couldn’t get no higher
Liar liar nothing you won’t do
Just to make things better for you

It’s not that I’m so good
It’s not that you’re all bad
But I can’t tell the difference
And I find that kinda sad

I don’t know if I can trust you
If I should turn my back
I need eyes in the back of my head
To see where you’re coming from
Your unlimited ambition
Will get the better of you
So you better watch what you’re saying
‘cos I’m coming to get you

Lair liar you’ll burn in the fire
Building your own funeral pyre
Liar liar look what you done
Guess you thought you were the only one
Liar liar coming to get you
I’m gonna bring you down
Liar liar watch your back
‘Cos I’m a better liar than you

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Filed under Punk, Rock

Don’t Talk To Me Like That!

I’ve always believed in straight talking and not beating about the bush. I’d rather have someone tell me what they think to my face than slag me off behind my back. My friend, Dioclese, has been getting a lot of that lately and it’s out of order.

Having said that, you can disagree with someone vehemently without being rude or offensive at the same time. So by all means tell me your opinions, but do it nicely.

Anyone who doesn’t can just f*** off!

Here’s the words if you want to sing along :

It don’t cost nothing to be polite
It don’t cost nothing to ask me nice
I don’t need telling
Just need to be asked
But ask me in the right way
OK I know I can be difficult
But don’t assume that I’m a dunce
I ain’t stupid
So don’t think I am
And don’t talk to me that way

Don’t talk to me like that!
Just who the hell you think you are?
What makes you think that you’re so special
That you can talk to me like that

Don’t assume that I’m an asshole
That you can push around
I’ll push back and bite
If you don’t talk to me right
There’s a right and a wrong way
I’m just an easy going fella
Though it don’t always seem that way
When you talk to me like that

I can’t listen if I’m being abused
When you talk to me that way
You don’t need to scream and shout
So just go and wash your mouth out
You need to get the message
You need to get on side
I’m a real straight forward guy
Who’s got nothing to hide

I don’t care who you think you are
But I care how you talk to me
And what I don’t understand
Is why you just can’t see
There’s a right way and a wrong way
For you to get your way
But if you wanna get there
Then watch out what you say

Don’t talk to me like that!
Just who the hell you think you are?
That you can talk to me like that

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Filed under Punk, Rock

Faking It

Here’s one of my favourite pieces so far that seems to have been well received by the musical community since I previewed it on Fandalism – and my thanks to my good friend Dioclese for the video.

‘Faking it’ is about city boys. The Porsche and Champagne set who made all their dosh by gambling with yours. Low risk investment – for them at any rate! In retrospect, I thinks there in fluence from the Clash or the Jam in there somewhere?

I’m making it – taking it
It doesn’t matter if I’m faking it
It’s alright as long as I’m raking it in
Nobody knows if I’m doing it wrong
But I make they sure they know if I do it right
Because I’m faking it

Seems to the world that I’m doing alright
I may play dirty but I sleep at night
It don’t matter if I stomp on you
You don’t know half of the things I do
Because I’m faking it….

Dirty money – coming clean
Nobody knowing what I really mean
It doesn’t matter
if I’m not what I seem
Big house and a fancy car
Pretty women down the champagne bar
Don’t know I’m faking it

Money talks – money screams
Nothing is really what it seems
Nobody cares while the cash keeps rolling in
can’t lose cos it’s not my money
My profit, your loss, well I think that’s funny
While I’m faking it

Faking it, Taking it, Making it mine
Faking it, Taking it, Feeling fine
No conscience,No repercussions
Working for me, Feeling fine
I’m faking it
I’m faking it
I’m faking it

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Filed under Pop, Punk, Rock