Everybody’s Fucked But Me

Most of this song is autobiographical.

Did you ever wonder what happened to your old mates? You know – the ones you went to school with, the ones you used to meet down the pub on a Sunday lunchtime or the guys that used to play in the band with you in a former life? The girls you went out with when you were younger. Much younger!

I respectfully dedicate this song to them. Especially Phil the keyboard player who dropped dead one day and Jim who fell out of the air when flying a hang glider. It might be morbid, but it’s a sort of musical memorial to them.

Yeah, at least I’m still alive – which is more than this lot are. If you recognise yourself, then you’re dead.

Whatever happened to that girl I used drive home on my motorcycle
Whatever happened to that girl well I wish I knew
She married an accountant
Give birth to seven screaming kids
Drives a mini clubman
And has varicose veins
It was a lucky escape
‘cos she screwed up her life
Looking back it’s plain to see
That everybody’s fucked but me

Whatever happened to the guys that I used to go out drinking with
Whatever happened to those guys. Well, I wish I knew
John contracted a fatal dose of aids
He died last year
Jim died in a car crash
On his way home from work
I’m doing better than them
At least I’m still alive
Looking back it’s plain to see
That everybody’s fucked but me

Whatever happened to the girls who used to hang around us round after gigs
Whatever happened to those girls, well I wish I knew
Rosy took to crack
Mary took to pole dancing
Jane got knifed by a punter
While she sucking him off
Their sexual proclavities
Dropped them all in the shit
Looking back it’s plain to see
That everybody’s fucked but me

Death and destruction
Tears and despair
They’re not for me
I’m not going there
But don’t accuse me
Of being boring
Just because
Everybody’s fucked but me

Whatever happened to those guys that I played in the band with
Whatever happened to those guys, well I wish I knew
The bassist took to whiskey
He drank himself to death
The drummer had an overdose
While taking crystal meth
The singer died in a bar fight
They stuck the mike stand up his ass
Looking back it’s obvious to me
It’s plain to see
That everybody’s fucked but me
It’s obvious to me that
Everybody
Everybody’s fucked but me
Looking back to see
It’s obvious
Everybody’s fucked but me

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