That Fucking Christmas Music!

Well todays’s the day that my good mate Dioclese releases his traditional Christmas Song for 2013 onto the unsuspecting public – so as I wrote and recorded the thing I thought it only right that I should post it on here today at the same time.

I take no responsibility for the video as that’s all his own work, but I hope you like it. It can’t be as bad as some of the rest of the dross that’s foisted on us every year, can it?

Have a great Christmas!

Christmas time is coming
The shops are getting fat
Pushing through the thronging crowd
To buy a load of crap
God knows why I do it
I really cannot see
‘cos there’s one great big fucking thing
That really gets to me…

It’s that fucking Christmas music
It’s fucking up my head
Just listening to that bollocks
Makes me wish that I was dead

Merry Christmas Everybody
Makes me want to reach
Down Noddy Holder’s fucking throat
And pull his tonsils through his teeth
And fucking Paul MacCartney
Has a wonderful Christmas Time
But the bloody scouser bastard
Has surely fucked up mine

It’s that fucking Christmas music
They play it everywhere
Why can’t they shove up their arse
I’m pulling out my hair

Do they know it’s Christmas?
Too right they bloody do!
Just look at all that bollocks
That they’re trying to sell to you
Happy Christmas war is over?
Well that’s a load of shite!
Tell it to that bastard sniper
Who’s got you in his sights

That fucking Christmas music
Those crappy Christmas songs
They’re never fucking ending
They just go on and on

Do you hear what I hear?
Too right I fucking do
Driving home for Christmas
Right round a bend or two
Frosty the fucking snowman
Let’s melt the bugger down
A Merry Little Christmas
It’s something I ain’t found

That fucking Christmas music
Is tinkling in my ear
You simply can’t escape it
It’s that crappy time of year

Spare me from Cliff Richard
The holy little swine
You can keep your mistletoe
Just bring the fucking wine
And as for fucking Wizard
I’ll tell you what I say
Thank Christ it isn’t Christmas
Every fucking day!

That fucking Christmas music
It’s something I can’t stand
Especially when it’s being played
By a fucking useless band

When it comes to Johnny Mathis
You really must admit
That When a Child is Born is
Such a crock of shit
And as for Elvis Presley
And his 40 Christmas hits
You know where you can stick ‘em
But I’m not sure that they’ll fit!

That fucking Christmas music
It gets right on your tits
Whatever did they write it for?
It’s such a load of shit

Boney M and Elvis
Bing Crosby and the Pogues
Elton John and Coldplay
They’ve all had a go
But Jonah fucking Louis
Is the worst – there’s ever – been!

Oh that fucking Christmas music

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