Fear of Flying

My friend Dioclese has buggered off on holiday – as he does quite often it seems to me – so I thought I would write him a little song based on how I feel every time I go through an airport. It occurs to me that it’s not a pleasant experience and frankly if I could get where I want to go by some other means then I’d do it in a flash.

But that’s not reality in the 21st century and if you want to travel the world before people screw it up altogether then an airplane is the only way to do it.

Doesn’t mean it’s an enjoyable experience though – and I reckon this one will give my mate a giggle when he get home and listens to it!

Here’s the lyrics if you want to sing along :

There ain’t nothing like an airplane seat
They like to truss you up all nice and neat
They like to crush your thighs and cramp your feet
There ain’t nothing like an airplane seat

There ain’t nothing quite like airplane food
Nothing you can say about it don’t seem rude
That taste of cardboard really turns me on
There ain’t nothing quite like airplane food

If there’s another way to get where I go
Some other way that wasn’t so very slow
You know I’d take it in the blink of an eye
Listen to me and I’ll tell you why

There ain’t nothing like an airport lounge
It’s not the sort of place you wanna hang around
A thousand people milling all around
There ain’t nothing like an airport lounge

There ain’t nothing like a check in queue
You stand around and ain’t got nothing to do
Long line of people they’re all jostling you
There ain’t nothing like a check in queue

There ain’t nothing like a baggage hall
It’s not the sort of place for having a ball
Sometimes you find your bag ain’t there at all
There ain’t nothing like a baggage hall

There ain’t nothing like the customs line
Even when you know that your stuff is fine
They make me feel bad by just looking at mine
There ain’t nothing like the customs line

You like to fly I think you lost the plot
Especially when you get there and your bags have not
I’ve done it lots of times – it’s never been fun
Ain’t looking forward to another one!

It’s just a fear of flyin’…

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